Reliving the past few weeks and months in vivid bursts. Full colour montages and snatches of video frames. Incredible detail. Things my subconscious had picked up, but I hadn't allowed myself to see. Letting me learn from a brand new perspective, like a voyeur into my own life.I saw Andrew's desperation and felt pangs of guilt for pushing him away. Saw work colleagues avoiding me as I descended into a pattern of self-loathing and denial. Nights of loneliness. Unblinking days I barely remembered that were somehow captured by the astounding complexity of my brain in glorious Technicolor. Eleanor's demands. The staple in her hand. The effect of the stress on my body, then nothing but relaxation, endlessly stretching ahead from the trumpet player, our intense back-alley romp, the creature's visits, and its goals.And in all the confusing array of imagery I suddenly knew the reason it chose me. What it wanted me to see. It was so clear. I gasped. Scrabbled backwards to the headboard,. I'dpack your bags and we'd go back home. Not to my hometown, but to New YorkCity. I'd take you to the best dress shops where I would buy you theprettiest new clothes. Then I'd take you to the most fashionable beauty shopwhere we get your hair styled and curled in the latest style, as theymanicured your nails - those nails that have been ruined by this ruggedjungle life. Then I'd take you to the best restaurants where you would showoff your wonderful cleavage and luscious body in your new evening dresses.I'd wear a suit - no, it would be a tux, so I looked normal. After awonderful dinner, we would go dancing. You'd be so beautiful that every manwould want you, but they'd take one look at my dangerous new body and backoff. If anyone were foolish enough to step between us, I'd trash him. We'd goto party after party where we would become the couple of the year as everyonetried to get us to come to their party. After each party, I'd pick you up andcarry you back to our hotel, to our bed,.
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