I'd been pretty happy and carefree when I was little. I didn't have too many concerns then, and I worried only about whether I'd hear my father when he whistled from the front porch, signaling us that it was time to quit playing and come in for either supper or bed. Luckily his whistle was loud and piercing and could be heard at least two blocks away. He wasn't a man who accepted many excuses for not coming when he whistled you home.I saw Faye as she rounded the back of the school and headed straight for me. She looked wonderful, and I felt my heart tighten up just a little from having her near me. I took a mental picture of her, trying to imprint each tiny detail of the way she looked into my memory, filling myself with her presence. "Hi." Hey, Jackie. I can't believe how cold it gets here. Back home we never got anything near as cold as this. It must be twenty below right now." I think it's about five degrees above zero, something like that, but the humidity is high because of all. It would suit me down to the ground – or the roof, in this case -, and I could afford to lease it for a couple of years, with intent to buy.In lots of ways, it was better that way. I had more resources to draw on than Jeff did, and while I was pissed off with him, turfing him out and keeping the house, well, that would just mean large amounts of alimony, and I didn’t want that, either. And I wasn’t that much of a bitch.I wasn’t. Really, I wasn’t. I wasn’t cheating on him, although god knows, I had the opportunity. And it wasn’t like it hadn’t crossed my mind.I loved my kids. I know I’m not putting my best face forward here, but the reality is that my life, as it stood, was intolerable, and I needed to do something about it. So I was.The kids. I should talk about them, so you know I’m not some absolute monster, even though I seem like it.We had two. We lost one through a miscarriage, early in our marriage. That was hard to get through. I never felt it was ‘my fault’, and Jeff, bless.
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