Encouraged to forget that behind our titanium shellsthere is a body, that we are something other than the shells and thesystems they are hooked up to.But I'm ... a little different.Because besides all the other things I had wrong with my body, I had onenobody could see at the time.My body, as twisted as it was, is male, and my soul, my sense of self,however you want to say it, is female.And there's nothing I can do about it.So I keep busy and try not to think about itDoesn't always work.But I keep going anyway.Up until a short time ago, I've never told anybody about my problem. I'vealways been afraid they would decide I'm so broken I can't be trustedwith my job.But recently I managed to find someone I could trust to talk to.Helva, "the ship who sings" herself.I cant even describe how much of a relief it is to talk to someone aboutthis.It all happened a week ago ...Helva had arrived at my city's spaceport, and once the day's bustleslowed down, I risked having a conversation with her. I need to check the train times?" Arh, I was actually inviting both you and Malcolm. Shall we say aroundLunch time?" Oh good, yes I think that would be ok." In fact now that I think about it let's make a weekend of it. Bring anovernight bag and you can stay until you are ready to leave on Sunday. Wecould have Sunday dinner." Well I should check with Malcolm first before I commit," Cherry put toher."Oh is Malcolm likely to have something on?" Connie asked."Well actually no..."Connie cut in "It's settled then, don't let that man of yours tell youwhat to do Cherry." Ok," she replied meekly."So I will expect you around lunch time on Saturday then?" Connieconfirmed with Cherry."Y, yes around lunch time," she replied."Great, see you then. Bye." Ok, bye" and they both hung up.Matthew's walk home was thoughtful. He still worried about performing onstage but his overiding thoughts now centred around Olivia and how shehad lifted his skirt. The powerful feelings it evoked, it litterally madehis.
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