"Kari, more awake than she had been a few moments earlier, spoke up and said, "I'm sorry Steve. You startled me when I woke up. It's my night to sleep with you tomorrow night. Julie got the rock but I had paper and so she has to wait two nights for her turn."I was really surprised that Kari was talking about sleeping with me and a little unsure if she was talking about sleeping or something else. Still, I knew nothing would happen if she ended up in my bed so I wasn't really upset.I put a sad face on, looked over at Julie and asked, "So what did you guys do after I went to bed last night, conduct a lottery or have an auction? I have never felt so cheap and humiliated. Is that all you think I am, a piece of meat, put here for your pleasure. I'm not just a pretty face you know. I have feelings."It was all I could do to keep a straight face. Irene and Kari were puzzled but Julie had a smile that let me know she knew it was all a joke. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and I burst out. And have a talk with Father Stephen as well. Beyond that, I didn’t know what I could do. Even if Angie lived closer, I would have to take into account my responsibilities to Elizaveta, and ensure whatever help I provided didn’t interfere in our marriage. And there was no real question about that decision - I wanted to marry Elizaveta, for all the practical reasons she’d given and I’d thought about, but also because I was in love with her.My talk with Jocelyn on Sunday night had triggered a series of images and thoughts, and helped me understand exactly why and how we had blown our relationship to bits. The most important lesson I felt I could take away from that conversation, and the contemplation of what had happened, was that I had to be open and honest with Elizaveta about everything, lest some tiny issue fester and eventually wreck our relationship. In hindsight, which was often 20/20, I understood that Jocelyn and I had never addressed the issue that had wrecked ‘Jos and Mik’ -.
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