My friend who has walked through this entire mess with me said to me: “I know why God’s ignoring you.”Me:”Why, other than the fact I’m an asshole?”Friend: “You killed God. You’ve spent your entire life searching for wisdom. You’ve studied religion, magick, psychology, all of it. You killed your belief in god long before you ever got sick. When you faced that darkness you knew you were the only one there and that you couldn’t answer your own prayer.”Me: “Wait a minute, You’re saying I’m mad at myself?”Friend: “Yes.”I felt the truth of his words and it was like he had run me through with a sword. I was speechless. It took me a couple of days to process what he had told me. He was in fact, correct. In my heart, I had killed God. Nobody is home or on the throne.It’s a liberating, yet lonely thought. All my life, I have been told of a loving Father which is an image I clung to as I never had one. The Christian faith is burned deep into my soul/mind and even though I have no “faith” I. He pressed my boobs on my bra and rubbed his nose on my panty, just where my cunt lips were. I think he liked the smell. He then unhooked my bra and removed my panty. Both of us were stark naked now. He admired my nude figure for a while. His lund and my nipples were fully erect now and we were trembling with desire. He started pressing my breasts hard and sucking them vigorously. I pushed myself eagerly towards him with each pessing and sucking. I held his tool tightly and started moving my hands to and fro. It had become rock hard and hot. In minutes we assumed 69 position and started sucking each others organs. When I moved my tongue around his big knob, he was licking and sucking my clit eagerly. His sharp and rough tongue was probing my choot. I was in heaven and I had never enjoyed like this. I screamed, “Ha aha, Amit suck my whole body”. Even when my husband was alive, he never used to give me such pleasure. We never had oral sex. What I was longing for all my life was coming.
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