The press had a field day, and one tabloid featured a shot of me, and one of him, side by side. The resemblance was eerie. He looked like me in twenty years, if I took up drinking and stopped exercizing. The made up headline was “Cousin vs Cousin”.Jen couldn’t get over how much we resembled each other. “It’s so weird,” she kept saying. Lindsey and the rest of the family agreed.Personally, I didn’t like the man. He called once, demanding to be let in the house to do ‘inventory’, and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Mom didn’t seem to like her descendant much. “Relax,” I told her. “It would take a court order for him to walk through those doors, and no judge alive would give him one.” I politely declined, and hung up on him. He called several more times, getting more abusive every time. I was about to change numbers when Jim advised against it. “Record him,” he said, get your lawyer to take it to the judge, and get a restraining order.”I recorded the next three calls,. " Abbey said, "It will take her an hour just to drive there and back, that's not including how much time she'll take to find a jack. If she can find one." Oh for Christ's sake." Kenny spat. He wanted to punch something, but was afraid he'd pee if he moved much, and once the sluice gate was opened he was afraid he would be powerless to make it stop."Do you really have to go?" She asked. He was slightly taken aback by the note of real concern in her voice."Like a race horse." He said."What if I..." She paused trying to find the word,"...took...'It'...out for you?"His eyes went wide."That's not even funny. Even for you." He said."No, if you really have to go, I'll help you, I mean, I feel bad already. That is my car on top of you." I can't just piss if you take it out, it will still get all over me. I mean, I'm long but not..." He stopped short."What?" She said."Nothing." No, that sounded like some self-proclaimed horn blowing right there, if I do say so." Look, if you aren't going to do.
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