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I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 1 through 5 for your convenience:1. Occupied.2. Clean, but bathroom protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.3. Poo on seat.4. Poo and toilet paper in bowl, Unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.5. No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.Clearly, it had to be stall #2. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly shameful shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but big things were afoot.I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next-door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 DB louder than it needed to be.Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs.. Rachel said “Neither.”Weena was reading Jenkyns’ Classical Literature. “Have you ever read Catullus?” she asked.“Not in the last 30 years,” I responded. “Why?”“I really like Jenkyns’ precis of his life.”“What does it say?”She looked. “‘A young provincial aristocrat came to Rome, fell in love with the wrong woman, was driven to put his passion into verse, and changed the literature of Europe.’”“Yes. That’s good. Where was Catullus from? Padua?”“Verona. Padua is where Petruchio goes ‘wealthily to wive.’”“Well, Verona’s another part of Shakespearean Northern Italy,” I said.A few days later, I’d straightened out Sammy’s paperwork when I got a call from Patrick.“I had a strange dream,” he said.“A vision from your Serpent?”“I don’t know. I saw a group of Island women wearing native long white wedding dresses called holokus and wearing haku leis on their heads. Sarah was with them. Henry was wearing a pair of white pants, a white shirt and a lei of maile and ilima flowers. On the rim of the.
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