“No thanks, I’ll handle it.” I brushed her hand away and dashed for the latrine.Someday I’m going to have to write a book: Zen and the Art of Elimination. I usually mediated when I took a dump. Hey, we’ve got to think of something when we do our business. I figured I might as well use the process of voiding to find enlightenment along with relief.The morning chill had left the potty seat so cold my balls wanted to climb back inside my body. I squirmed and tried to find a warm spot as shivers ran up my spine and rattled my teeth. What the fuck happened last night? How did I end up naked between those two sexy women? I racked my hung-over mind and stumbled through a misty fog bank of blurry memories filed away in last night’s memory folder.Exhibits A-D: Four steaming and delicious mugs of hot buttered rum and homemade brandy (a federal offense).Exhibits E-F: Two contests to determine who could take the most hits from a marijuana-filled hookah in sixty seconds. It became the loser’s task. Aunt Clara was a clean freak and Amy always thought Aunt Clara's house smelled of way too much pine oil and bleach. She kept all of her furniture covered in plastic, and Amy was afraid to touch anything. She was always afraid to get something dirty and she was never comfortable around her aunt. She loved her aunt, but to spend two weeks with her would be unbearable! "Oh Mom! Do I really have to? I love Aunt Clara to death, you know that, but two weeks in that house would drive me crazy! You know she keeps it like a hospital and I am afraid to even breath there - not that I can since it stinks all the time with all the cleaning stuff she uses! Can't I just stay here at home? I did it when you went to see Grandma and everything was ok," Amy said. "Well, I don't know. A week was one thing and I was only at Grandma's - she lives just a few hours away. I could have come home if there was a big emergency. But Aunt Clara lives a lot further away. We have to fly out to see her. It's a lot.
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