But didn’t she understand I didn’t want to talk about it? She looked shocked. Hurt. I realised I’d probably been a bit harsh on her, so I added, in as calm a voice as I could manage, “Some other time. Maybe. Just not right now. Okay?”She nodded. “Okay.”After a few moments, she said, “Do you want me to come with you when you go and see Clarissa? Or would you rather be alone? It’s fine either way—”“I’m not going.”“You’re not? But why?”“I’m just not, okay.”“No, it’s not okay! Paul, you haven’t been to see her at all since—”“Since what? Since they stuffed her in a box and dropped her in a hole in the ground? I wonder why?”“It’s not like that. It feels right to go and—”“And what? Talk to her? Talk to a grave? No thanks!” I could feel my anger rising so I took a deep breath and counted to five in my head. “Look, Ems, do you know what it says on my parents’ headstone?”She shook her head.“It says that to live in the hearts of the ones you love is to never die.”“That’s beautiful.”I nodded.. I chuckled as she put the blindfold on me and then gently bound my hands.“You have to guess who kisses you. But, to make it interesting, there will be four kisses. You have to say who they were and in what order. And there can be repeats! And no cheating by trying to touch!”There was general laughter from the girls and I heard them all moving around. The sauna got very quiet and I got the first kiss. I knew for sure who it was, without question, since I’d been kissing those lips since ninth grade. The second one was a bit tougher, though I was sure who it was. The third and fourth were easy as well. In fact, I was sure I’d never miss.“Bethany, Julia, Kathy, Jackie,” I said confidently.“Told you!” Kara giggled. “If we were all new girls, or he hadn’t kissed us much, then this would work. He won’t miss any.”“I knew it should have been oral!” Cindi giggled.“He’d get that, too. Giving OR receiving!” Kara giggled.“Take the damned blindfold off of him!” Elyse laughed. “And untie his.
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