"Once again I was jealously watching as she wandered along the aisle. Ioccasionally experimented with Mom's makeup, but not regularly. Mom hadpointed out that girls my age generally did not wear makeup every day."Looking for anything special, girls?"I turned and saw an attractive girl a few years older than us wearing astore jacket and name badge. Before I could say anything Ann-Marie tookthe lead."Just browsing." I thought the crisis was over, then she added, "I amencouraging my friend here to quit being such a tomboy. I think sheshould start wearing a bit of makeup." Well have fun. Let me know if you have any questions."As the clerk headed off I asked, "Why did you have to say that?" Look, it gave you cover. She thought you were a girl and I reinforcedthe impression. Now you better play along and buy something."With Ann-Marie's help I ended up selecting a light pink shade oflipstick and matching nail polish. I went up to the counter, paid, andleft without further incident.We were. And Nancy. How would she see my coming back? I had shut her out when it all happened. Sure, I had my reasons and they were good ones but would she understand them now? And what about what she did? How was I with that? While time had passed, so too had a lot of our plans and dreams. I had to admit to myself that when I tried to picture Nan now, nothing came to me. Maybe too much had passed for us to have any basis for friendship. Too many questions to answer and no foundation on which to base any answers.Whatever the future would hold, my path was ahead of me. There was no going back and no way to undo what had come and gone. I understood that we had all paid a price for what happened. And if I was to be honest about it, I considered the price paid in full. Whatever happened now was all new and the past had no part in it. That was a lesson learned in prison but it was an important one. We all believed it and we all lived for it. I finished packing my meager belongings and threw the.
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