But I was sure that keeping that fact at the forefront of his thinking was critical to achieving my heart’s desire. Suddenly a whole new tack popped into my mind full blown. “Are you afraid that you’ll lose control of me? I mean, that you won’t be able to maintain your discipline if we have a good time together occasionally?” Here I lowered my eyes submissively, and started moving in ultra-slow motion toward him. He muttered the start of some kind of denial. I really had him off balance now. So I plunged on. “I didn’t think there was any question of your maintaining your authority. There certainly isn’t any question of me accepting your discipline. You must know, Jamie, trying to escape that is the furthest thing from my mind. But you may not know that I really appreciate what you’re trying to do for me… really appreciate how much you care. And I’m sorry when I fall short of your expectations. Gosh, now that I think of it, I may never have said it in so many words, Jamie,” by this. We couldn't have sex for three days and we tease each it her about it all the time. She says, "Careful, I don't want to wear any more off, it's too small now." I'll look very serious and shake my head no saying, "That problem is not caused by me getting smaller." She smacks me and we kiss for a while and go on. My prostate is dead from radiation treatment, cancer, so I don't gush any more. My testicles are still working great and I can orgasm. I can come several times a day and there is no recovery time, it goes soft only when we deflate it. Ruth brought in a surgeon to help and I can tell you that going under looking in your lovers eyes, knowing you were completely safe, essentially in Gods hands, is one wonderful experience I will cherish for as long as I can remember. No, she's not God, she's stronger. I've had eight back surgeries and I'm fused from vertebras T11 to L6, I don't stand straight. After they killed my ability to have erections, I swore I would never let them cut me.
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