I'm fifteen-years-old, nearly sixteen in a few months, and I'm so desperate it hurts.I go to school and see girls that I know. I'm drawn to them sexually now, emotionally. I want to reach out and touch them, to confess my feelings. One girl in particular, several years older than I am, named Beth. I think I've never seen a girl so beautiful in my whole life. I write her poems, unsigned, and put them in her locker. I confess everything to her, except who I am. And what I am, I cannot bear to tell her, even anonymously, that I too am a girl.But I need to feel something, someone. I have to have it, this thing I imagine love to be. And that's how I'm decided to go inside this place, this Casa de Blanco and find it. I've told Rachael what I'm doing. I even asked her to come with me, but she won't. I'm so afraid. My heart is pounding and I can barely breathe.I've dressed to look older, I think. I hope. But I'm still barely 4'11 and 85lbs of teenage girl. My hair is long and black, loosely. Mita mere chehre ko dekhke jor se hasne lagi aur uske sath sath main bhi has padi. Woh kuch samajh nahi payee, to Mita boli, “Koun dekhega? Yahan to sab hi aise hai? Sab ke sab maze me mast hai. To kisise darna kaisa?”Woh ashcarya ke sath hum dono ko dekhne lagi, to maine kaha, “is hostel me rehne bale sabhi ladkiyan apas me prem karti hai. Jitney din yahan rahe khub masti karna phir kya pata yahan se bahar janeke baad apko kaisi jeewan sathi mile. Hum sab hostel me hi rehti hai. Boys ke picchhe nahi bhagtee. Woh dhokha denge, lekin yahan kisi baat ka dar nahi.”Mita boli, “Ladko se sex karegi to bahut pareshani hai. Pregnant ban jaogi, lekin yahan koi phikar nahi hai. Hum roz sex kare bhi to pregnant nahi honge.”Raat ke sadhe dus baj chuke the. Hostel sunsan ho chukka tha. Ritu sayed jane ke liye kahna chahti thi lekin hamari baate sun ke uske bhi man me kuch kuch hone laga. Woh uth khadi ho gayee, par jaa nahi payi. Maine kaha, “tum bahut sundar ho. Tumse to kai ladke pichhe pade.
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