”“You’re funny when you stick out. I’m trying to be quiet right now.”“He’s funnier. He’s sticking out much more.”“Say! Her lips aren’t all he’s kissing. Be quiet. I want to see this.”“I’ll whisper. They sure aren’t paying us any attention.”“It’ll never go in.”“But it did.”“She must be big down there.”“Look at that!”“Oh, Sharon!”“Yes, Ted, yes.”“Uh! ... Uh! ... Was it good for you?”“Wonderful. And you?”“You know it was. I love you.”“They say it’s wonderful. It didn’t look so hot. I can’t believe it didn’t hurt going in -- my finger...”“Well, we don’t know. You were right, though. I’m glad they don’t know we’re here.”“Now they’re both standing up, let’s be careful not to move.”“Want another dip to cool off?”“And to wash off? Yes.”“Well, at least that didn’t last long.”“Look at what she’s doing. Now, she puts on her suit!”“Do you think she’s going back in? Maybe we can walk away while they’re swimming.”“We don’t know how long they’ll be in the tank. It’ll be easy to see us from the. However, the wives of Major Winton and Captain Horrocks may not be quite as sanguine as I.” ‘Are you suggesting that I have fucked the entire regiment?” “With the possible exception of the regimental goat, yes, perhaps.” The director screamed a frustrated ‘Cut’ as Marilyn Foster and I collapsed into hysterical laughter, the last two lines line having been extemporised. We had said before while attempting to film the scene that it was dialogue worthy of a sixteen-year-old schoolgirl and we’d been fucking about with the lines all morning. Andre Boussin, the director, had had enough and was stomping off muttering about ‘fucking amateurs’ and telling the crew to close up for the day and ‘hope they can behave like adults on Monday.’ Marilyn and I retired to her dressing suite where she poured us both a large gin and tonic. The film was called, ‘Wartime.’ “He’s such an arse, Faye,” said Marilyn. “Can't he see or hear what crap it is?” She handed me my glass. “Darling, you forget. He wrote.
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