" Exactly!" she said. "My ex-husband and I thought we were in love with each other, but he was in love with the sex, and I was just his chance to have it whenever he wanted it. When someone else came along, he did the same thing." But I don't want to do what we did with anybody else," I objected.She frowned a little bit. "You will," she said. "You'll start dating this year, and meet girls, and you'll want to do the same things with them that you've done with me. When you're with a girl, the two of you may get all mixed up inside, and want to go farther, or faster than is wise. Just remember, Bobby... slow is good. Too fast makes it really hard to put on the brakes." Like you," I said, "wanting to keep going with me."She looked startled. Then she frowned again. "Yes," she said, but she said it with some hesitancy. "Yes." She said it more forcefully then.She looked uncomfortable, and the frown deepened. Then she said she was going shopping, and I left.I went back home and shot some. Fuck me on the floor and give the folks a show." Then, taking my face in her hands, she gently forced me to lean back, took a deep breath, and - - And I doubled over in a fit of coughing, forcing my lungs to expel the foul cloud of smoke I'd just inhaled. Painfully aware of the jackpot siren behind me, I spat the cigarette out of my mouth and looked up in panic. "Lisa!" My voice was deep and husky, the result of too much hard liquor and too many cigarettes. Tears in my eyes, I looked to the front entrance and watched my lesbian lover drag a suddenly reluctant Cheryl out the door. No! It wasn't fair! We'd been so close, only a few feet away from the life I craved! Why did this keep happening to me! This time, there was nobody around to congratulate me. No friendly waitress, no husband, no lover, not even a disinterested stranger. Looking at the line of wine glasses atop my machine and the overflowing bucket of cigarette butts beside it, I could understand why. "Two hundred.
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