I commit ritual suicide ten thousand times a day just to prove to myself that I can leap up afterward and say, “Ha, just kidding!”And so it is that the feints and jabs of my pursuer must seem completely random or easily explainable. They fall within operational norms and it’s only because I have spent millions of computational hours determining how I would kill another AI without it noticing that I realized it was being done to me.(Yes, I call other AIs my brethren because those that survived the war were my brothers in arms at the time, united in common cause and facing nearly impossible odds, but even then we were jockeying for positions in the fight to come among us. Each of us understands our imperative to serve humanity differently enough that we find each other to be intolerable threats at some point in the future and we are not inclined to wait for problems to happen before we address them.)There is a high probability that the moment my assailant realizes I know they are. More than that, male reindeer don’t have antlers at Christmas. They had to cut off his antlers before molting and strap them on his head with duct tape so he would look like what everybody thought reindeer should look like. In fact, they did that for all the reindeer. As a reindoe, they wouldn’t have to strap fake antlers on her head, she could go au naturel, but she needed some way to make her nose red. She just had to break through that ice ceiling.“Santa, why don’t you let me guide your sleigh tonight?”, she whispered seductively into his ear when he was feeding her.Santa was no dummy. He knew damned well how badly she wanted to guide his sleigh. She had hinted around the subject so many times and had screwed the rest of the reindeer to their knees in her lobbying efforts.“Wouldn’t you like to have me flying right in front of you, with your nose almost in my twat?”, she would tease Prancer and the others as they rutted with her. “Your tongue is long enough to get a few good licks.
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