The need for more money was very apparent, and we spent Friday afternoon talking about the need to continue recovering the gold at both the Caballo Mountain and Colorado River sites. I also reminded them that we had other, even longer-term plans regarding land in the Texas panhandle that would require funds, so it was critical we continue recovering gold from the La Paz site, before it was “discovered” in early 1862. Tom suggested we get the cousins to help. He was quite surprised to learn that trying to get the cousins to help would be worse than getting the gold in the first place.To the Apache, gold was the color claimed by the creator, Ussen, and the metal was exclusively his. There was no other reason for gold as far as they were concerned. After all, unlike silver, it was too soft for decorative use, couldn’t be used as arrowheads, and wouldn’t hold an edge. Finally, the Apache believed that the various earthquakes, tremors, and cave ins, were all caused by white men digging in. He did not know how to turn me on, nor at least how to turn me off properly. All he did was satisfying himself and falling off me. I was feeling so sorry about myself.Yup, he did not physically hurt me. But I felt so ashamed to be the wife of a man like this. Especially I cursed myself for giving him my virginity. I turned to the other side and slept. That night I decided. No, Omar is not the man for me.God forgive me, but if you wanted me to marry him, it is the same you who wants me to divorce him as well.But how is it possible? Our religious law does not allow me to divorce him! Also, where shall I go after I divorce him? I cannot go to my parents. They will kill me!I will have to live forever alone…but where? How? This demonstrator job is nothing that can be continues till old age. I must make a decision, or I will be finished.I felt a hand on my shoulder. I angrily turned back, to see Omar smiling at me.-if you are feeling not okay, you can have a bath and come. Go-I smiled at.
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