" Tina, Tina Evans the girl here wanted me to tell you what's been going on here. I am not totally convinced this isn't Cuntface Wilson up to something" the profanity sounded strange coming from this old ladies mouth but the hatred in her voice was nearly tangible.She told he story to Bernard the food rationing, the water rationing the executions of the sick and the random executions as I watched the crowd surge forward at the sight of water. People were scared looking around snatching a cup of water and running grabbing food and doing the same. At one side I could see a girl about my age she had bruises on her arms and also on her legs which were visible from an obscenely short skirt Milligan was trying to give food and water to her and a young child she had in tow no more than a toddler.I left the table and walked to Milligan."Let me try here you carry on with the others" I said."Yes Ma'am" he said his voice thick with emotion as he passed me a plate of Burgers and a plastic jug of. And then, inevitably, my mother will complain- sometimesin public- that she feels yet another bout of depression coming on, andwill end up bedridden for a week whilst I'm left to feel three inchestall. I can't even tell her that I'M depressed as it'll just cause her tohave yet another bout of her depression, as though she was the onlyperson in the world who ever felt miserable and I had no right to feelanything other than happiness and gratitude for the 'upbringing' she wasgiving me. If I were to try to tell her about 'the boy inside'... She'dprobably guilt trip me to death.And that's not an exaggeration, as on more than one occasion, I haveseriously thought about throwing myself down the stairs in my home, butI've never worked up the courage to do so.I've often thought about going to see my GP about my depression- and,more importantly, my desire to be a boy- but I know I can't as the newswould inevitably get back to my mother, and the guilt trip that wouldensue would almost.
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