I woke up this morning still thinking about yesterdays run and how it felt to be so free and how excited I got just running. With my husband gone on business for another 2 weeks I decided to take things into my own hands – ha, ha - and rolled onto my back in bed and used my hand to get me off. It did take the edge off a bit, but I was still pretty worked up when I decided to go and pick up my panties and shorts up in the park. I put on my sports bra, t-shirt, panties, shorts and running shoes and was heading out the door when I thought – usually thinking gets me into trouble – I made it back from “my spot” yesterday without any problems why not jog to my spot without my shorts or panties on. The way I was feeling – hot and horny – it didn’t take me more than 2 seconds to say yes to myself and off came the shorts and panties. The shirt that I was going to run in today was a bit shorter than yesterdays, about 4 inches above my knees. After getting ready to go I checked myself. I know exactly what the dream means, for the message in it is abundantly clear. There can be no more. No more dreaming of the man I love. No more wanting him late at night, and needing his love to be thrust gently inside me. No more thinking of our bodies intertwined beneath the sheets of my bed. No more thoughts of kisses and soft caresses pressed against my aching flesh. No more wishing for his hands to roam eagerly over every inch of me. No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family. All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal? How do you tell it to speak with your head and actually listen? To understand that this pain, this appalling heartache, could and will.
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