That given my choice, I'd rather become a girl, and then a woman.But I was too scared to do anything about it. Not that my mom would besome kind of monster, I'm sure she would come around to the idea, butI've looked up the stats. For every girl like Jazz Jennings, there aredozens, maybe hundreds who arent as lucky.It can get pretty bad out there for trans folks. And even though Canadais better than some places in the world, doesnt mean there is no riskof really bad stuff happening to me.So there I was, between a rock and a hard place, too scared to try andbe a girl, too scared to even say that's what I wanted, yet knowing ifI didnt do something, and soon, I'd look less and less like a girl andtransitioning, assuming I found the courage to, would be that muchharder, maybe even impossible.Then things changed.My mom got called into work this morning, even though it was aSaturday, and decided I was old enough to not burn the house down whileshe was gone, so I was on my own for a while.I. Gently, I pull her up from the floor. With her against me—soft, warm and willing—I wrap my hands around her sides and guide her toward the bed. She goes willingly, without question, with complete trust. Trust I could so easily forsake, but I don’t. As she goes I slide her panties over her hips, down her thighs. Her hair spreads over the center of the bed, scattered like a fan of tangled silk threads. I stand and take in the view: the valley of her breasts, the supple dip of her belly, the rhythm of her quickened breath. I want to tell her thank you for this moment, her trust, but know that in this country it would seem strange. I crook her legs with my hands, smooth and silky, and lift them over my shoulders. The scent of her sex, tangy and sweet, brings back long lost memories. My mouth waters and my cock hardens further. Does she have a clue how intoxicating it is to have her in front of me, so willing and needy, so many similarities between her and the woman I truly love? When.
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