... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. ... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. ... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." ... The congregation of 500 members only has seven last names in the church directory. ... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. ... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub. ... the collection plates are hubcaps from a '56 Chevy. ... instead of bells, you are called to service by a duck call. ... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. ... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill". ... that "Thou shall not covet" thing applies to huntin' dogs, too.This one is compliments of Earl JohnA young couple, were just back from their honeymoon, and settling in to a life of married bliss when ... The. But twice per week is so little." It's three times, Mark, unless you're telling me that the only interest you have in Julia is for sex." Mom's face was hardening into her steely glare. It was scary as hell. "In which case you are going to be in more trouble than you have EVER been in your entire life. WELL?" No, no Mom. It's not just for sex, honest! I love being with her." You have disappointed me. You were ONLY counting the opportunities for sex, and completely disregarding spending time with that lovely girl. You've disappointed and angered me! You're that close," holding up her hand with a thumb and forefinger very close together, "to having your privileges revoked. 'Privileges' - got that?" Yes, Mom. I'm very sorry." So you should be. One night each way during the week. No more than one day total together over the weekend, and I'm going to talk with Vanessa to make sure a large portion of that is outside the bedroom. You are going to learn that the most important thing is to get.
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