I was up by midmorning and dressed in scale armor before I left.The old tavern I walked into only had a few people but four turned from a table by the back door. They stiffened as I started across the room and the old server headed for the kitchen door while two of the men stood. I ignored them pulling daggers as I closed with them and barely paused as I snapped a kick out and into a groin.I caught the wrist of the other man as he lunged to stab me. I turned and twisted the wrist as I locked the arm. I kicked across and into his knee and he screamed as it broke. I let him fall as I started around the table and the other two men came to their feet. Their faces had gone pale as they pulled daggers.One growled as I walked towards them, "you are a dead..."I reached over my right shoulder and pulled the sword I was carrying, "I am going to leave your head for your gang as a warning."The other man spun and ran for the back door as the gang leader's face went white. I fainted and let him. First it hurts, and then gets no better. You sweat violently and wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf!" There are only three things you can do: 1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope to hell you've got some Vaseline to help you get through it.The Machine Gun DumpBest utilized in public conveniences. You sit there in sublime peace when suddenly you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the tranquility like machine gun fire. The guy in the next cubicle hits the floor like a Vietnam veteran, cradling his umbrella like a M16....damn commies.The Sound Effect DumpYou feel a noisy one coming on but relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot. So, you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is of the essence. At the precise moment of release, try the following: 1. Flush the toilet 2. Drop loose change on the floor, 3. Sing.
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