His breathing became heavy, his senses overwhelmed. Seconds became minutes, the stillness was broken only by the drops of filth falling from his hair. ‘Block it out, block it out,’ he thought, trying to stop the memories. Angry faces, faces of disgust, chastising him, condemning him, voicing everything from disappointment to utter disdain. He was so used to their negative voices, he had long-since learned to block them out, at least, he should have. He gripped his skull, but the contempt in Noah’s words, they wiggled under his fingers like parasites and burrowed into his brain. They found the holes burned into his mind by that insatiable itch, that hunger for a needle of happiness.It would fix everything, everything that ached, both inside and out, let him sleep and eat, and make him stop thinking about his pocket knife. Everything would work out if he could slip back into the haze for a bit. He began rocking back and forth, trying to shake off the bad thoughts and distract himself. "Have you lost your marbles, Jas? Or do you think that I am stupid or something." No, Tim. You are not stupid, look where you are in your business. Sales Manager, that's something to be proud of. Oh and I haven't lost my marbles either. May I explain, without you erupting like Vesuvius?" It took a few minutes for me to calm down, taking a sip of coffee to aid the process. Eventually I could speak."Ok go ahead." You know I had always wanted a child, we were talking about starting a family before I went doolally. I am thirty five now, and thanks to my father I am secure. So it would be a good time to have a baby, when I can look after it properly, and before it gets too late for me to carry it successfully. I know I shall be a single mother, but that doesn't carry the stigma today it once did. But I would want my child to be conceived with the man I love, not some anonymous donor. You Tim are that man. I have never stopped loving you, and never will. I have no right to ask, but for the.
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