I couldn’t face anything. Hobos are strong? Bullshit.I’m weak. So god damned weak. It doesn’t take strength to deal with the problems of others’ creation, really. You can fix it, and laugh at their mistakes or misfortunes.Fixing problems of your own creation, though, that’s a different story entirely.I couldn’t bring myself to clean up a mess I had left myself in. A mess I started years ago, and just kept making worse. Children- half a dozen or more, many of which have never met each other. Lovers, women I’ve loved, scattered around the country like buckshot. Women I’d hurt. People I’d killed. A love who meant the world to me who died. Died because I hadn’t been there to protect her. Because I couldn’t bring myself to accept just how much she meant to me. Because we couldn’t. Because I had ran away, yet again.It is a perpetual mystery how I managed to live this long. I’m not sure its a good thing that I had. I don’t mean other people trying to hurt me. It is a mystery I hadn’t killed. After lunch we’re gonna go back and hang out on the beach for a while. If we go for a walk or come back to the house, we’ll drag one of you along.”“When they light up the bonfire tonight it’ll be easy to get lost in the crowd. Can you please hang close to one of us? I know Mark doesn’t want Sophie dragging him off anyway, so maybe you two just hang out with him. You cool with that, man?”“Uh, sure,” Mark said without quite meeting Joe’s eyes. “Not a problem.” How he said that with a straight face, I’ll never know.I froze my expression to keep my excitement hidden. “Yes, Joe, I promise we will stay with Mark all night long.”“Good,” Joe sighed and took a bite of his sandwich.Mark’s eyes met mine and I could see the wheels spinning. Bethany clamped her fingers around my knee under the table. It was going to work out. Holy shit!After lunch, Mark followed us back to the beach. We’d had enough sun for the day, so he grabbed one of the large folding beach umbrellas and used his manly muscles.
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