“Sweet as apple pie,” I say, channeling Granny Teague.“Look a little scorched around the edges to me, babe.” “Don’t you have anything else to do?”“I’m dead. What else is there?”“Peace and quiet.”Her laugh isn’t anything like I remember. It’s cold and reptilian.A warm hand cups my jaw and turns me around. “Oh J-Baby… aren’t you tired of all this?”“Don’t really know.”“Know what,” Jasmyn asks, purple shadowed eyes flashing concern.“You tell me, Ana.” The words slush out of me in a disoriented haze.“Fuck,” Jasmyn swears, worry in her voice. “Any idea what he’s on, Stedges?”“I flunked out of narc training, Rodriguez. On account of my addiction to donuts.”“Fuck you, Stedges.”“You asked. Nice outfit by the way. Makes me miss the old days. Wasn’t so damn PC back then.”Jasmyn sighs again, this time with annoyance peppered in. “Thanks for the call, Karl.”“This make us even?”“Not even close, but you’re on your way.”“You love having my balls in a vice don’t you, Rodriguez.”“Yea, well. Life’s a. Manytimes when my wife seem to want to embarrass me evenmore, she would dictate for me to masturbate myself whileshe looked on and supervised me, no matter how I tried towiggle out of doing so.The first time I refused to do so for her, she told ourMoms. In no uncertain terms, both said that as herhusband, I should consider that as normal as intercourse,and that I had an obligation to perform in this manner.“And especially so if you’re aroused” – my mother said inan imperial tone to me. They threatened to use corporalpunishment if I didn’t comply with my wife’s wishes,since – in their viewpoint – the only reason I wouldn’tdo this for my wife is that I was saving it for anotherwoman. No matter how I tried to dwell on the subject ofmasturbation being less manly and humiliating, it carriedno weight with this female inquisition team of my wifeand our Moms.The end result, I was forced to agree, in writing, that Iaccepted jacking off.
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