Whatever it did inside my head — whether it fed somehow and that I nourished it in some way, or even if it was just fucking with me for its own perverse enjoyment — it left something with me. I know something of its intent. Not that I can articulate what I mean, it’s just a feeling, or maybe an intuition, but whatever I know or feel it’s a gift from the monster, a cancer, and I’ve no doubt it’ll kill me. And what I mean by that is that I’ll kill myself when I reach the end of my sanity. I don’t hold out much hope for anyone else either. At night, lying in bed wide awake, things got so bad that I had to look under the bed to make sure it wasn’t lurking there. But to be able to check meant I had to cross a galaxy of fear to reach the light switch. I imagined an insect-like claw reaching out from under my bed and closing around my ankle … Afterwards, having gathered together the strands of courage enough to scuttle across six feet of carpet to switch on the light and eventually check. "Good morning, beautiful" I replied. "Hungry?" she said. "Hungry for you" I responded."Later" she said in a lilting voice. "OK" I replied and sat down at the kitchen counter. She poured me a cup of coffee and went back to cooking our breakfast. I said, "Court, I believe in my heart that we are truly in love, but we know NOTHING about each other. I think we need to talk about that". She looked away quickly, turned the bacon and sighed deeply. Almost under her breath she muttered, "I knew this would happen. It was too perfect". I saw a tear come to her eye. "What do you mean?" I replied. She sighed once again as she set plates of food on the table for us and sat down. "You already know how young I am". "Yes, Court, I do". "What you don't know about me is that I am an orphan and a runaway" she confessed. I must have worried her with the look of confusion on my face. I had guessed that there was something she was not telling me. After all, why would a sixteen year old girl be out and.
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