You’re not going to hurt my feelings. A lot of people have been hurt by suicide. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it with me. I’m NOT trying to get 500 emails begging me not to do it or 5 asshats giving advice on how to and telling me to Youtube it for their enjoyment.About two months into the initial phase of my illness is when I realized how fucked I truly was. At that point, they hadn’t found a reliable way for me to speak on a regular basis yet. I couldn’t work. Couldn’t pay enough attention to watch TV. Couldn’t write fiction. It was then I started thinking about suicide. You start asking questions. Just how bad am I willing to let it get before I say fuck it? What will living as a cripple cost my family vs living without me? Will my wife love me?I started drawing criteria. One is the ability to read. Reading makes life bearable. Aphasia hadn’t touched my ability to read even though it can so that was a positive. I even considered other modes of reading like learning. He said my parents had asked him to keep an eye on me whilst they were away , and he needed to come in to talk about something important . I did try to put him off as I did not want to be stuck with the guy. He was quite insistent, and said he had brought some beers so we could chat man to man .I sort relented and let him in . He sat on the sofa and passed me a can of beer, and made a lot of small talk about being on my own , and having to be sensible and responsible. Then all of a sudden straight to the point he asked me why I had been driving my friends car which had no mot, tax etc . I nearly choked on my beer as I thought no one else new about it other than my friend .I mumbled a bit and said sorry , and gave a lot of lame excuses . He stopped me and said he had a witness and he should go to the police . I went quiet at this. If I lost my licence I would lose my job. He looked me straight in the eye , and said he would keep it between ourselves providing I accepted a.
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