Her piercing screech? How can I describe it? Try this. Imagine thesound of a freight train braking to an emergency stop!"I ... I'm here to ret ... return your Mom's blouse," I repliedtentatively, wondering if my ears would ever stop ringing or how I couldunravel the twisted knots in my stomach.I know I must have looked like the total dork she always accuses me ofbeing ... gawking with my mouth agape as Lenore stood in the doorway,backlit by the bright hallway chandelier, wearing one of those shortysee-through bathrobes. You know ... the kind of robe a girl wears whenshe wants to look like she's not really wearing a robe. And then therewere those sexy high-heeled slippers she's always strutting around in ...the ones with all that fuzzy, fluffy junk on the toes."You BORROWED my mother's blouse, TONY?" she screeched incredulously,loud enough to attract the attention of Mr. and Mrs. Evans who justhappened to be passing by at that very instant. "Why would YOU borrowone of my. I don't think they quite realized that I was the same species as the cheerleaders they spent their lunch hours hopelessly ogling. And I didn't want anything to do with the rest of the guys at this school, a bunch of brainless jocks and wannabe jocks who spent their weeks arguing about whatever sport was in season at the time and their weekends getting drunk and banging aforesaid cheerleaders. Debbie, of course, was the lead bangee. I think she went down on half the boys in The Program last year.Oh shit.The Program.My parents had signed me up for it this year, after a very persuasive conference with the new algebra teacher. The Program was this crackpot scheme wherein the school made you go to school stark naked for a week. It was supposed to be some sort of hands on sex-ed thing, but in practice it was an opportunity for the popular kids to get laid in class, and for the unpopular kids to demonstrate for the whole world their inability to do so. Naturally, I was less than excited.
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