We have a bond, Bill, that is beyond friendship."With that opening, I broached it with her - the grand strategy. "Mary," I said. "I think I might know what's bothering Roger."She was all ears. "What? Tell me!" Mary, I've got a secret and if I tell you, you can't tell anyone." Uh, yeah, Bill. I think we have our own secret now, don't we?" Okay. Mary, as much as I have wanted you all these years, I have wanted Mom more. Mary, forgive me for saying it, but I am obsessed with fucking my Mother. I can't help it, Mary, but I am. And the thing is, I think Roger feels the same way about you. I know he used to, and I can't imagine that has changed."Mary didn't seem shocked, or even surprised. "I think he used to be, but I'm not sure he still feels that way. He acts like he can't stand me." She teared up a little."No, Mary. It's not that. He wants you just like I want you, but more. He thinks he can't have you, and he's afraid if he's around you or shows you love, that he'll make a mistake and. "The tone, if not the content, reminds of the last briefing I got beforeI made my first parachute jump. Tempted to salute, I give her a warmsmile and thank her for her trouble.While sorting the card payment I realise she's noticed my missingfinger. Her next glance lifts to my cheek."Car crash," I explain hurriedly. I don't need to say anything, it justblurts out.I don't even remember how she replied, because I emphasise the lie bylooking determinedly at the floor. Hurrying from the shop, with aclipped, awkward gait, I scream inside: Jonno was nearly blown in half,Macca had his face pushed in. It wasn't a car crash, some bastards wentout of their way to kill them.After that the fun fully dies in a nearby Costa. I go for a latte,maybe a biscuit or something, to sit and watch the world go by and calmdown. The plan's working, my levels of upset falter until a couple oflads bluster in. Fashionably stubbled, clean cut, angular and confidentthey spot me on my own from their place in the.
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