He was a book collector, writer, and bibliographer and, from the three volumes he published under his pseudonym Pisanus Fraxi, the expert on erotic books in his day. Gershon Legman was the first to link "Walter" and Ashbee, in his introduction to the 1962 reprints of Ashbee's bibliographies, and the 1966 Grove Press edition of My Secret Life included an expanded version of that essay. Ashbee was also identified as Walter by May 2000, Channel 4 documentary on British TV, Walter: The Secret Life of a Victorian Pornographer - and in 2001 Ian Gibson's The Erotomaniac: the secret life of Henry Spencer Ashbee provided a detailed review of circumstantial evidence arguing that Ashbee wrote My Secret Life, presumably weaving fantasy and anecdotes from friends in with his own real-life experiences. If Ashbee was not the actual author, it is suggested that he may well have been the compiler of the work's lengthy, detailed, and very imperfect index, and have provided other editorial assistance. . and thoughts swirling through my head."What if my buddies found out?" i thought , what if I'm gay?" was another ...the longer the day ran and the closer the time to meet the more freaked out i became.I actually walked 3 miles to the bar just to try to clear my head. I stood across the street staring into the parking lot Knowing i couldnt go in.Frustration and anxiety playing incredible tricks on my psyche.As i walked away from the bar after a few minutes , angry at myself...and more importantly disappointed. I decided to call her. "Hello ?" she answered."hey" Whats up Hun?" she inquired"Im freaking out baby" Why ?" Im scared and insecure. I'm a fucking retard. i cant do this tonight" ummmm oookaaaayyyy" she said with obvious confusion (i would like to think disappointment as well)i hung up the phone.After a couple of days , I couldnt stop thinking about her. Gazing at pix and wondering what could have been i called her again.She picked up and before she could say hello i intruded.
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