I would have used that to justify what I was doing but I never saw it in your eyes. Fear and pain, yes, but never hatred." You are different, my darling Jane. So wonderfully different. It's as if you sensed and understood my trauma and made allowances for that. I didn't see why that was but now I realize it's because not only did you have a very strong feminine side deep inside you yearning to express itself, but that you loved me! I know it's not nearly enough to say this, but I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry."She too was sobbing now. She held me tightly; we rocked gently back and forth, and I distinctly heard that small voice in my mind accepting Laura's apology in spite of my harrowing experiences. "It's okay, it's okay, it's all right" she assured me. "And there's more, Jane. I know now that what I've always been looking for is what's different about you. More and more I love you for who you are. More and more the real you, the feminine side of you, turns me on. I don't know. But finally, the time is at hand. Out of the little window I see the outline of familiar mountains, the moonlit tips of familiar forests. Then, the time is now. I am jettisoned wordlessly onto the side of the road, facing track leading into the foothills that shelters my community. I begin to walk the pitted trail, eyes searching for a familiar beacon in the darkness. There it is: a soft, orange light spilling from the first cottage nestled in the trees. I approach, beginning to pick out details. The willow trees we planted in the clearing have already grown strong and tall and Felix has built an awning and some outbuildings along the west wall. The sight of home makes my heart flutter and the hairs on the back of my neck rise as I unlock the door and push into the velvet gloom beyond. Immediately, I am swamped by the familiar smell of apples stored in the cellar, of the stockpot in the kitchen, spices in the larder and the oak we used to carve the staircase. Upstairs, above me,.
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