Britney's lips brushed Amber's ever so gently. Amber's resolve nearly crumbled when Britney placed her hands on Amber's breasts."Britney, please stop this," whispered Amber."You need this, sweetie," purred Britney. "Just relax and I'll take care of you." No, Britney, please stop," said Amber calmly."What's wrong, Amber?" asked Britney."Nothing..." Amber?" Just not in the mood right now," said Amber."This will help you," said Britney. "Trust me." NO!" screamed Amber. "It won't help me. It will make things worse!" What are you talking about?" asked Britney, suddenly looking very concerned."Nothing..." replied Amber, withdrawn again."Amber, please talk to me." I can't." No secrets. Remember?" This is one secret I've gotta keep," said Amber."Amber, you've gotta tell me what's going on here. Why don't you want to have sex with me?" BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! YOU HAPPY?" But, Amber, I love you, too. What does that have to do with anything?" You don't love me the same way I love you," hissed Amber.. . I just don't know.That was the start of it, I think. Doctor Jamison gave me a list of books to read and it was a revelation to me. Alcohol takes a woman and turns her inside out. Like one of them says, it's the most effective date rape drug in the world. It deadens the thinking processes and lowers inhibitions to the point of non-existence. Heavy drinking is such a self-destructive thing to do too. It makes the body react hard in order to throw off the poisons and it alters the body's chemistry.Doctor Jamison has helped me figure out I was drinking hard so I could make myself numb and not have to deal with the things I was feeling. It didn't work. It only made me more vulnerable to Brian. It made it easy for him to get me to sleep with him even though I really didn't like him. I knew he was one of those men who think every woman is a "score," and who feel nothing for the woman as a human being. I knew he was a scummy thing to begin with and I knew it every time I let him do things.
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