"Maureen's rapid mood-switch was disconcerting. "Okay. It's true that I've only seen Nolan when he was doing better ... But you don't love him just when he's doing well. Your mom and dad don't forsake him when he barfs in his bed. How come I'm the only one, can't care about the boy through the bad times?" Why would you? Is getting to fuck me all that terrific, you'd suffer though all the heartache with Nolan just for an occasional roll in the hay?" That's a nasty, horrible thing for you to say to me! ... I started to care about that boy before I ever so much as saw you, and I cared about him after I saw you and before I ever, ever, ever expected you'd sleep with me!" Oh yeah? ... How long after I came into your hospital room that morning, looking for Nolan, before it crossed your mind -- about sleeping with me?" Fuck you, Lady! If you knew the first thing about men, you'd know what a super-dumb question that is. You'd know it doesn't prove a goddamned thing -- about me or about. "I truly believe she would. And a little more of what she is about fallsinto place. Which makes it a slight bit easier doing what I am going todo.I get up and go into my bedroom, and open a drawer that was not touchedby me or Jillian earlier, and underneath the items there, I pull up whatappears could be a false bottom and pull out the pack of items fromunder there and breathing very slowly and deeply, sighing, I walk backto her and sit down. I'm not sure exactly why I'm doing this, it feelsalmost like a trance or something, like I'm watching myself do thesethings, but..."Here," I say, "there's one more thing you need to see."And I hand her the pack of pictures."Oh, okay, thank you," she says as she takes them from me and startsgoing through them.There are only maybe a dozen or so, but they cover several years...of medressing, and all rather involved. I had lots more, but fear of thembeing found, and misunderstood - which of course, is often more possiblethan not - encouraged me.
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