I went to Mike'sapartment the next day and asked to talk to him. I admitted to him that Isnooped around in his external hard drive and found all his naughtystuff, and assured him it would be our secret. Mike admitted that sincehe was 11 years old (he is 41 now), he has had urges to dress in women'sthings. Makeup caused him to get extremely aroused. He does not knowwhere these urges came from, and though he may have not chosen to beendowed with these urges, he has decided that it is his choice whether heacts on those urges. He choses not to act on these urges. The stuff onthe hard drive are outlets for these urges.I asked him why he would deny himself like that??? He said he would bedenying himself many other things if he engaged in the crossdressingculture. He also told me that he would make an ugly looking womananyways. I pull out my makeup brush and tell him, you'd make a finelooking lady baby, let me show. Mike was transifxed on my makeup brush.He started breathing hard and. It was expected. I didn't particularly like it, but they were baggage-free and they didn't reflect on my relationship with Nathan at all. I know he must have had his affairs as well. I would expect nothing less. He spent his days surrounded by beautiful people looking for self-worth through the admiration of others. They offered their bodies, he'd have been a fool not to accept. But we never talked about it.So we fucked and we drank.That was fine, as long as it all stayed professional. But actors are also obsessive. They have so little personality of their own they become brilliant at 'borrowing' the personality of others. That's why the good actors are so convincing. They don't have any of their own "selves" to get in the way of the character.When the show is over it's hard not having a personality to fall back on. For me, that's when the booze became personal as well as professional.Nathan had become a success faster than I had. Within a couple of years of coming to the city, he.
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