I delete and block him from my chat program.*****Losing Patrick like this has been difficult. I'm so used to having him to talk to that not having him there is a huge hole in my day.I'd be flat-out lying if I didn't acknowledge that the funk I've been in for the past month isn't, in large part, due to this relationship ending. I know I've been mourning the loss of him; I feel the loss to my core.He knew me. He knew my thoughts, my quirks, my body... sometimes better than I did. He has been my best friend, he's made my days bearable, filled in what my husband is unwilling to give me. Going even two days without talking to him was rare. Cutting him off is the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time. I miss him a lot. Really, really a lot. I fight the idea of making contact every single day.And the kicker is that I can't say for sure that I would refuse him if he came back yet again. If his marriage ended and he was free to start a relationship, I might say yes. I might rearrange my. In the morning, still in bed, bits of makeup still on my face as I hadbeen such a hurry to make love, "John" leaned over and said, "I have anidea. First, you had fun last night didn't you?" Of course." I mean, every time I called you 'Lisa' and you called me 'John' itturned me on. Did it turn you on too?" I don't know why, but it did. Maybe not as much as it did you but, yes,it did." So back to my idea. Let's switch for a week. OK?" What? You mean I'd be you all day everyday for a week?" Sure, why not? Doesn't the idea turn you on?" I'm not sure?" Would you try it even if it didn't turn you on but you knew it did me?" I don't know? A week seems like a long time." But when you're having fun..." I would have to call you 'John' all week?" Yes, and you'll be me, so I will have to call you 'Lisa"'. "John"reached over and began playing with me."I'd have to wear dresses all week? And make-up?'"Of course." Be a girl, in other words." Most definitely." What would my reward be?" Me. .
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