It was the resulting STD’s from my actions, I felt sick inside. I felt the AIDS was there long before the tests revealed it. After everything, especially my misdeeds I did, I could not take you from him. You would not have had any sort of life with me. I knew that I was the lowest of the low, I was unclean and would never be clean again for the rest of my life. For the first time in years I thought of someone other than myself. I prayed for the wisdom and strength to do what was right for you and for Bob. During the night I awoke from a dream and knew that if I had any love for you I had to leave you to him. I told no one, I just acted. It was the only way I could show my love for either of you, and the only way to pay Bob back for being so kind and generous through all the bad times. I would not allow the staff to bring you to me for fear that I would change my mind. My heart broke the day I left you in the hospital and moved to another town. Now, I have a small inkling of what I. There are tears in her eyes, shining in the glare of the bathroomfixture. Her tits start to shudder from little sobs and a drip pauses atthe tip of her nose. She dabs at it with more tissue."I ... I don't know how to ... to convince you that I'm me," she says. "Ididn't do this on purpose. It just happened." Shit, you expect me to believe that?" Please? Please see with your heart, not your eyes."Ouch. That's such a Conrad thing to say. I married him because he seemedto understand me, understand how I felt, even when I didn't understandmyself. "You can't be him," I tell her. "You're soft, feminine." And ... pregnant. Is that it? Is that what's ..." There's that hurt lookagain, fleeting across her face. "I'm cold."I'm starting to feel sorry for this bloated slip of a girl -- the way shecradles her belly in her hands, the way she sways, bracing her backagainst the baby's weight. She's trembling."Wear my robe. It's too long but it will do until I can find yousomething that fits. We'll go.
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