On the way out to the door the manager smiles at me, he thinks I am pretty. I smile and wave back, he?s clearly attracted to me but I am not to him. It may sound mean but toying with his affections has helped my job some. I have had sex as a woman too; it was very different and very sensual. However sex, and men, and the erotic nature of the change are not on the whole very precious to me. As I head onto the bus to ride home a man gives up his seat for me; men often do silly things for women. As convenient as these moments can be they are not precious to me. In fact a new body and life only helps to hammer in more deeply the biggest pain life gives you. In life it is very, very hard to be who you are, society tries to shape you into whom it wants you to be instead. Society says that men don?t cry and that ladies shouldn?t raise their voice. Society tries to stomp out our emotions and kill who we really are. After being changed it is worse, much worse. You see after being changed you. I can smell sage, thyme and . . . coffee! I sit up in a huge white bed in which I have clearly slept alone. We got in late last night after the short flight from Manchester to Alicante and were met by Nick, Jackson’s friend. He’s pretty cute too – 5’ 9”, already grey hair but with a youthful tanned face, mischievous eyes and a ready smile. I think I’ll like him. Truth be told I’m a bit nervous but I really want a cup of that coffee I can smell so I pull on some shorts and a bikini top and follow my nose. “Here she is!” Jackson announces to the world at large. “I was beginning to hope I would have to come and wake you up” he gives me a playful leer while simultaneously wrapping me tightly in a cuddle. He does this – combines warm affection and basic loveliness with an ‘I want to get in your knickers’ philosophy. I can never decide if he’s just very skilled at getting what he wants from women or if he does actually care for me. Who knows, and to a point, who cares?? “Hi, good.
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