I dont think you should try anything too ggressive, okay? I mean, practicing French-kissing with her is one thing, but shes had even less experience than you had before today. I was a virgin until I was sixteen, Jason — almost seventeen. So dont push her, okay? He nodded and crossed his heart. It struck me funny that we were sitting there completely naked talking about all this stuff. Could we. . . ? he began and stopped. His eyes were flicking up and down my body and I knew it was time to stop. The next logical step was to fuck this poor kid, and if I couldnt do that — and I couldnt! — then I wasnt going to torture myself. Uh, no, Jason, wed better not. Thats enough. I patted his knee. –for today, I added and his forlorn expression turned hopeful. Yeah, I guess Id better get home anyway. He scrambled up and self-consciously offered me his hand. I took it, and stood, and kissed him lightly — and then moved away before I could change my mind. Do you and Janie have a date? I asked. I. Little by little, my self-confidence grew under his tuition. In his bar after work, I spoke to strangers more, flirting with other men, something I had never done before meeting Renaud. Some asked me if I was having an affair with Renaud as my attention seemed to be always on him. Of course, I couldn’t answer truthfully as that would have ruined everything I was striving for, but this denial gave rise to another problem. If he wasn’t mine then he was free to talk to whoever he pleased – I grew jealous of the attention he gave to others, especially other women. Jealousy was something I would learn to control eventually but in that moment, it consumed me.Meanwhile, my relationship with my boyfriend, Panek, had taken an interesting turn. Although things between us were becoming more and more difficult, we still had sex with each other. One reason for my continuing to fuck him was my growing jealousy of those who were taking Renaud’s attention away from me. My childish tantrum resulted in.
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