Their deaths (or at least the implicit reasons for their deaths) often went completely unnoticed.I confronted my unhappiness head-on, as I had to do, since there wasn’t anyone in whom I could confide. I had never deluded myself. From the beginning, I’d known that I was deriving perverse pleasure from the exercise of my amazing power. I was delivering the people of the world from evil, just the sort of thing a just God would do. Problem was, I was enjoying my work a little too much. And I knew it.Well, why not? I deserved a little happiness as much as the next guy, right? It happened that I derived happiness from killing off the world’s worst people. I was the Universal Garbage Man.And now, as I rapidly approached the time when all the world’s garbage had been successfully carried away, I found myself miserable. There was a need for new worlds to conquer; new evils to overcome.But where to begin?At first, I tried just making up categories of offensive people to do away with. I decided. That made our parents happy.This is not to say there was no sex from late August to late May of that school year. Our parents were in a bowling league and they played bridge with some of their bowling friends. That meant that at least once a week we had the house to ourselves for a few hours.The problem was that, finally, we were aware of the seriousness of the game we were playing. That’s a bad analogy. It was no game. Anyway, when we made love now, it was with the fact in mind that, with my bare penis in her fertile pussy, bad things could happen. Again, that’s a bad analogy. “Bad” is the wrong word for how we felt about that eventuality. “Unfortunate?” Yes. “At the wrong time?” That, too. But the thought of creating life together wasn’t abhorrent to either of us.We just didn’t want that to happen right then.And how did we arrive at that completely unconventional idea of family planning?Well, it happened like this.One night in December while our parents were out knocking down.
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