She was going to get paid for the session regardless of whether Ava showed up or not. Both Ava and her mother knew the cancellation policy, but instead of accepting what was, she was obsessing over it. In some strange way it felt like rejection like she was being stood up, but being stood up for what? For a client who was going to spend the entire session talking about what it felt like to fuck someone else? She had no idea how dependent she had become on this relationship until that moment. She knew that it wasn’t the kind of patient-therapist relationship that she was supposed to have, but until that moment, she didn’t know what it really was. She wasn’t waiting for a client, she was waiting for a story. She was waiting for Ava to be near and to have the perfect excuse to watch her. She wasn’t a neutral observer, she was totally wrapped up in the outcome. This was personal, uncomfortably personal. She was desperate to know what had happened with Madison and whether they were still. She made good money, but she had always lived alone, even when she could hardly afford it. The idea of sharing an apartment with anyone filled her with dread, and though she had endured it when she had had no choice, she did not plan to do it again if she could avoid it. When she had room-mates they had rarely commented on her habits of concealment, but she always felt they, somehow, were looking at her body - or would if they could. And the real trouble was that they frequently would appear hardly dressed at all; their young bodies revealed as flesh and hair and supple skin. Toni tried never to think - consciously - about those occasions.The living room was well furnished, with taste. She had made all the curtains and coverings herself, as she had done for the accessories in her bedroom. Next to the bedroom was her workroom - her sewing machine, a dress form that was true to the shape of her body, racks and drawers of tools and notions and fabrics.Her breakfast finished, she brushed.
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