She didn’t have a car, so she hooked me up with a bus pass… I knew my life was really going places now…. I told myself patiently that I just needed to wait it out a few months. Graduate from High School, get a job, and learn to support myself… I realize how selfish I was now… So every morning I got up at 4 am, and caught the city bus to school. Being a small town, the bus routes only ran to the area that my school was in every three hours. That meant in order to be ontime for my first class, I needed to arrive at school two entire hours early. I was terrified my first few times riding by myself… now I realize the giant intense kid in the back was the one fucking with people. This went on for about three weeks. The grinding monotony of my life. It didn’t really get better, the scenery just changed. My mom put in an effort to stay home for the first few days, and then went back to drinking hard. I was fine with that. I just wanted to be left alone, with the rage inside me… then one. She laid her baton on her music stand and walked around to stand next to him. She had never done this before. ‘Look at the music Carl. Tell me what you see.’ ‘Well, uh’successive measure or 16th notes in E flat” ‘No,’ she said firmly ‘those are just the notes, that’s not the music. You have to look deeper than that.’ ‘I don’t know what you mean. It’s a lot of 16th notes” ‘Look at the music and hear it in you mind before you even bring your bow to the strings. Imagine how the composer intended it to sound, the rising and falling, how it comes together with other instruments, how everything intertwines to become a symphony. Let the music become living things in your mind.’ ‘I’m not sure what you” ‘What’s the name of this piece Carl” ‘Cockaigne Overture Opus 40’ ‘Do you know what Cockaigne is” ‘No’ ‘It’s an imaginary land of ease and luxury. Now look at the notes and imagine the music. Hear it in you mind.’ Carl looked at the music sheet and picked up the music in his head. ‘Now, close.
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