My sexual awakening came early; actually having sex came late. There were some who were enjoying sex regularly in high school, but I wasn't one of them. Like most, I thought about it and talked about it all the time, mostly with my cousin Jimmy. He lived with my Aunt Lila two blocks from me. From the age of ten, we all did everything together, Lila and Jimmy, Mary and John. Death had brought us together.My father and my uncle James were killed together in a car accident. I was ten and Jimmy was eleven; Lila and Mary were widowed at twenty-seven, fraternal twins, from birth to the death of their husbands. I remember vividly two things at the funeral, the too tight collar that were choking me, and how my mother looked in her black suit. My feelings for her were percolating at a level below my realization at that time. It would be years before I accepted the attraction at a conscious level. I spent a lot of time listening to Jimmy talk about his dad, but I really couldn't empathize too. I watched as he opened it and pulled out pieces of paper."What's I-O-U mean?" he asked, looking up at his mother."It means what it sounds like," she said. "I owe you those things for Christmas. We'll go shopping for them after Christmas, though, because things will be on sale then, and you can choose what is perfect for you."He looked at one of the slips of paper. "Any book at Barnes and Noble?" Any book you want," she said."No matter how much it costs?" No matter how much it costs," she confirmed."Wow," he sighed. He looked at another slip of paper. "A bicycle? Really?" Yup," she smiled.He looked at another one. "No way!" he shouted. "An Ipod? For me?" He jumped up and started doing a dance of sorts as I realized she intended to spend the vast majority of the money on the card I'd given her on him.I leaned over and spoke into her ear. "That was supposed to be for you."She turned her head fast enough that her nose hit mine. Her eyes were shining."It is for me," she said. "I've always.
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