I communicated with Savlin last night and she will be ready for our arrival. Are any of our visitors up yet?" They are eating and shall be with us soon. So why didn't you have a partner?" No one needs a partner every night." What are you saying?" she said shaking her head. "It maintains health and vitality." I have plenty of energy and you know that Savlin will throw a ceremony for Beth and the others." Beth?" I looked it up. It is one of many shortened variants of Elizabeth." You like her! You gave up a partner for that? You don't know if it's really a woman under all those clothes!" I did not give up anything for her. I do admit I am intrigued by her." She's dangerous, Jeff. Did you tell Savlin the reason they are coming?" I told her that the visitors were on a fact-finding mission, but you know Savlin. A couple of questions and I had spilled everything." The Reds aren't waging war and certainly not the ones on Magnif." I know that. You know that. Soon Beth and Weston will know. And I was scared of it. Something that for my whole life before then felt so foreign to me, started to become a part of me. I recalled all the times I rejected people in my life without giving it a second thought, all those times people tried to push their attraction on me through the guise of friendship. I became disgusted in myself, thinking that finally, I was just as bad as the rest of them. Months went by with just me one-sidely thinking about my situation. I would second guess the looks Walter gave me. Read too much into a single touch. Then think about how obsessive I was becoming. The cycle was painful and I didn't know what to do with all those new emotions. What was, for the longest time, a source of comfort for me, became a type of self-torture. And it only escalated from there.Most of the day, in the morning, I wouldn't allow myself to even begin to think about it, but when I was alone in my bed at night, I would grasp at my body pillow and imagine things that I would.
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