It was the first time I had ever been completely serious with Julie, and I could tell she was unsure of how to handle it. “Oh, Jeeez, Eric, I’m sorry, I… ” She actually had a slightly frightened look on her face that was turning that embarrassed hue of red with which we are all familiar, afraid she had pushed the sexual teasing just a little, or maybe a lot too far. “I mean, you’re right, I’m sorry,” she said quietly, leaving her tiny sandals off and walking toward the rows of file boxes containing the copies of documents that we were there to organize and label, but I was struck suddenly with the stabbing feeling of guilt for having been stern with her for something that was outside of her control—my stress over the impending trial, and the deadline for getting the exhibits filed. What the fuck had I just done?She walked in front of me toward the conference table behind my huge mahogany desk where the boxes were sitting, and I reached out and grabbed her arm, not knowing what I would. And suddenly there was no more pain?but no more water. The single drop had done nothing to appease my thirst. If anything, I was even more desperate for something to drink. I closed my eyes and squeezed out more tears. This was interminable. How could I ever earn enough water to quench my thirst? I knew the answer, even as I refused to say the words, the two words that would be my salvation. Your voice was low and compelling near my ear. ?Lilly, you’re doing very well. You want more water, don’t you? You need more water; you can’t go on like this. It’s all right to give in, to say those two words. Think of the relief they will bring you. Those words are the only things in the world that will quench your thirst. Say them, go ahead. I know you want to. Say them and free yourself.?As I sobbed in desperation you stroked my face. ?Say them, Lilly. Tell me what you need.??Oh god, hurt me, please, Doctor, please hurt me.??Yes, that’s a good girl,? you encouraged as we.
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