In becoming Cindy I hadgiven up a lot of that control and I wasn't too happy about that. Thingis, I'm not a girl. I don't know how to be a girl, to act like Cindy andtalk and dress like her. K was my teacher in this strange and confusingart and the thought of carrying on without her guidance gripped me with asudden and embarrassing fear.Far more difficult to deal with was an entirely unexpected sense of lossand sadness at the thought of her leaving. Sure, less than a day ago I'dbeen pointing a gun at her, but damn if I hadn't come to really like K.She was a friend--maybe the only friend I had now that Tom was gone andmy previous life lay even further behind me than ever before. True, shepreferred Cindy to David. And she was a total bitch and probablyborderline psychotic. But for all that--maybe because of that--I feltcomfortable around her in a way that I'd never been with a woman before.Ultimately, though... I was looking forward to being on my own again. Itruly was. Some habits are. 'What is it, dear? Bad dreams again? Come into bed, then — Mum will help chase them away!'She threw back the bedclothes to let him climb in with her, and then pulled them up around his shoulders as he cuddled against her.She stroked his hair. 'You haven't had nightmares for a long time now, ' she said. 'I thought you'd grown out of them.'The young man didn't answer, but put his arm round her waist and hugged her tightly.She became aware of her son's bare chest pressing against her breasts, and his legs tangled with hers, and she felt an unbidden tingle of responsiveness. Recently, she'd noticed him looking at her strangely, and staring at her legs and body.At first it had amused her, and almost unconsciously she'd started to tease him, finding reasons to bend over in front of him, allowing him to see her cleavage, and crossing her legs slowly, so that he got a good look at her thighs.Then, about a week ago, she'd had a bath, and on impulse she'd put on what she called her 'fuck me'.
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