When I was sixteen, I only had the Playboy and the Penthouse. Later a Hustler and the idea of what hardcore pornography was like.Purchased in embarrassment from the gas station. Hidden in my room of shame. Applied alone, in the bathroom – the place, I temporarily moved into during my teenage years and like my Dad used to say: “Are you in there again?”My first computer. Finally, online! A celebrity paparazzi picture forum was my first addiction. Salma Hayek, Halle Berry and the young Jennifer Lopez in her legendary green Versace dress! What’s not to give a boy a constant erection?The trash bin underneath my desk was constantly overfilled with kitchen paper towels. Did mom know? What did she think?I got relatively late into hardcore pornography. In my mid-twenties I developed passionately a 2TB archive of everything. I never had a specific type. Asian goddesses like Mika Tan I was obsessed with and collect everything she published. Round and curvy ebony girls, superstars, later. She took my hand and squeezed it, I allowed it, loving the feel of her skin more than I hated what I knew. ‘Have I done something?’ she probed. I sighed, a deep, shuddering hurt. The fight was gone, I could no longer hate, nor could I hide. At length, I said, ‘I heard you talking about your affair.’ She was silent for a moment, a look of perplexion on her face. ‘My affair,’she repeated. ‘Yeah, you know,’ I said, ‘Mr TelephonePole.’ I looked her in the eye, waiting for an admission. There was a pause, then she burst into hysterical laughter. She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to smother the snort I knew would come. It did, as did a couple of others. She choked and coughed, laughed, and waved me away, then she looked me in the eye, and said, ‘That was YOU, you silly!’ as she dissolved into laughter again. She laughed for another minute or so, and finally said, ‘Hoo, hmmm, I’m very sorry,’ wiping her eyes, ‘but I can’t cheat on my Mr Wienerman,’ as she leaned over and flicked.
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