I yelled back, “Sure, yes,” and grabbed a bag with the wine and took four plastic cups in case they all wanted a drink. But only one other was interested and I could tell Ken wasn't happy that he tagged along. Steve, or Steph — who knows how he spells it? — walked with us to the beach where we joked about the shark warning signs. This beach is called Head of the Meadow and we saw seals and whales. But no sharks.I got the third degree: Where ya from? How long biking? Why are you here? What do you think about this Covid world?They were supposed to be in the Pan Am challenge — it was canceled — but they could still bike and camp where they planned. I learned Ken was divorced, Steve was single, and their other friend Robert was married and not much fun to be around. I asked if they smoked marijuana. Ken said he used to and Steve was a no. I asked Ken if he’d smoke one with me when we got back and he said, “I'm in.”After watching the sunset, they returned to their camp and Ken said he'd. Something was on her mind."Why did you say what you said?" She separated from me slightly andlooked at me sternly."What?" I was confused."When you thought you were dying. I suppose when you were actuallydying. Why would you think we'd let you die. Why would you want to?"It was an unexpected question but certainly a fair one, and itawkwardly grabbed my attention.At the time I thought I had fairly good reason, and I wasn't sure ifit was still my desire or not.I had lost everything.Pointedly though, the irony wasn't wasted on me.Barely over a year ago I'd wanted to kill myself because I was KevinMoore's wife. Now I felt the same way because I wasn't.I had to give Kristi a justifiable answer."Oh. I guess losing the baby. Realizing that I had. I was so overcomewith grief it kind of made me so sad I couldn't see a future."Kristi accepted that for what it is. "I know it's tragic but what goodwould you dying do?" I don't really have a purpose any more." I vocalise my cognition.Kevin was.
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