He then said think about Alan? I left a little upset, mixed up and not understanding what had happened over the weekend, had I failed my husband? Could I enjoy another man? Work was hard to concentrate on; I was relieved I wasn't losing the house and that the man who had helped us was now my husband’s fantasy/dream to see me have sex with. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to please him but I couldn't work out how you would go about it. Do you go up to a guy and say hi, my husband would like you to have sex with me and wants to watch is that ok? I laughed to myself thinking about what he would say O yes that would be fine let’s get on with it. I found I was damp down below and had to go to the ladies, for the first time at work I fingering myself to orgasm. What was the matter with me? Did I want this? I was bought back to reality when my phone rang and was wanted by one of the directors, I came out of the toilets in a rush and had only wetted my hands as in washing. The feeling came and wentquickly. After it was done I felt different then I had before. Thatfeeling continued for the rest of the night. However, the tingling had noimmediate outward manifestation. I did not tell my folks or anyone else.The Rabbi finished the reading, and we stayed around for another hour orso, having Hamantaschen, soda, and other treats.We got home at about 11:00 P.M. and I was tired. Mom helped me get thedress off. She wanted to take the dress out of the room, but after arguingI got my way and she agreed to hang the dress on my closet door. I did notneed to use the bathroom and jumped into bed. I did not change intopajamas, and just left my underwear on and grabbed a tee-shirt. I fellasleep staring at the dress, knowing that I would never wear somethingthat pretty ever again.As I said at the beginning, I awoke feeling strange and different. I wasnow fully awake. I was fully conscious. I was no longer thinking ofpicture albums. I knew for sure that something.
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