The letter in the mail, the phone call, the can of chili on the floor.The flat tire, now there’s a life-changer.The letter: Greetings from the President. Erk!The phone: John. It’s George. You know how I’m always to work early? Yeah. Well, it’s boarded up. Nobody there.The can: Help! I can’t get up!The tire: You’re late. Again. I’ve hired a new guy.“Fleeing the United States? What for?”“Mom killed the president and blew up the Oval Office.”“Why did you have to flee? You’re just kids.”“President Foley,” I said. As if that explained it. It did.“Bill is in now,” said the Master Chief.“We know, he’s rescinded the warrants.”“Let me make another call,” he said.He did.“Master Chief Anderson, put me through to the Ambassador.”Ooo, the big guns. Chief Anderson is more than he appears.He shooed us. Wave of the hand, “Shoo.”We shooed to the hall, got accosted a couple of times, explained, had the accoster open the door, back out, red faced and resume his/her original pursuit. We twiddled, sat. She was a college kid by the look of it. She directedme where to go and then said: "You're the second cross-dresser I know." Really?" I asked. "Who is the first?" Eddie Izzard," she told me."You know Eddie Izzard?" I asked."No, but I've seen him on TV."We chatted briefly and then I went to watch my first film (Criminal). Itwas an okay thriller. I enjoyed it more than some, perhaps, because I'm abig Kevin Costner fan. There were a few people watching and nobody paidme any attention.When I left I had about ten minutes before the next film and I needed atoilet break. Scare number two. Which facilities was I going to use? If Iwent in the men's I would look ridiculous; if I went in the ladies itmight offend somebody.In the end I approached an usher and apologised if I was putting him onthe spot, but which restroom would he prefer I use. He asked me to wait,and when he returned he said he had spoken to the manager. I could usewhichever I felt more comfortable in.I chose the ladies. It was.
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