.. watching it happen. My mom couldn't see that I could see, but her hands were all I was paying attention to. I started to get a reaction, but it wasn't strictly arousal. It was more like... morbid curiosity. Like... like turning the corner to see a car wreck you don't want to see. Or lifting a rock you know you don't want to lift. Or walking to the principal's office. It was just this super heightened anticipatory sort of feeling. A head-rush sort of feeling. One of my most persistent masturbatory fantasies is to time-travel back to that moment as myself, rip away the covers, and just... well it varies. But there's a lot I could have done.All of that came to a head when suddenly the song stopped. See, all of this had all happened in maybe like 4 minutes. Which was the length of the weird fucking morning/elevator soft-rock. The room got silent, and the only thing I heard was a buzz. Just for half a second. And there was a quicker motion under the covers than before, then the buzzing. "Mona joined her boyfriend and the two of them sat next to each other and snuggled up together.I sat at my customary table in the back corner, by myself. As always.As I pulled out my peanut butter sandwich and slowly ate, a handful of drivers and warehouse guys came in for their lunch break. I listened to their loud conversations as I ate my sandwich. I was still a little hungry when I finished. Maybe I would get something from the machine. I looked in my wallet to see how much I had left for the week. Eight dollars. I decided to save my money. It was only Tuesday and I had to make it last until Friday.I folded up my paper bag and put it in my back pocket to reuse. I picked up my book and started reading where I left off.I was lost in my book when I heard the clunk of cowboy boots entering the room. I looked up to see Big Ben strutting in. He sat down by himself as usual and pulled out his lunch from a plastic grocery store bag and quickly dug in.Even though Little Ben quit long ago,.
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