You can stop there," he said suddenly. That fear of rejectionstarted setting in again and he immediately noticed my change indemeanor. He quickly added, "I mean we're about to eat is all, and thattopic will weird any guy out." He chuckled. Almost as if on cue ourwaiter came up with our dinner. As he was placing our plates down Inoticed that Paul was still holding onto my hand, which caused me toblush slightly as I let go to give our waiter room to set everythingdown.As Paul started to dig in to his grande burrito, I started to continueour conversation again, but he just smiled and said we can continue itwhen we leave, and to just enjoy our dinner. I was partly relieved butfelt that the conversation wasn't over yet, but I relented and just satthere and ate my shrimp fajitas. Oh, we still talked to each other whilewe were eating, but Paul moved the conversation back to our sciencefiction banter and light jokes. While still a bit on edge, since I washaving a hard time accepting that he. I know. But I did touch you. I always liked touching you. Don't you remember how I'd give you baby powder massages? (and you'd usually turn that into sex, anyway!) Or how I'd snuggle up against you before I went to sleep? And maybe I didn't begin sex very often, but did I ever make you think I didn't enjoy sex with you? At the end I got so lonely, because you shut me out.Damn it! I told myself I wasn't going to let you make me cry any more. Go away!Jeff was writing a letter when hers arrived. He read it and replied right away. Hurry, man! Damn! Damn!Wait, Kate. Don't log off. Please. I don't want to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. Getting caught was stupidity. Oh shit. Look, we hadn't been intimate in any way for so long. When the "other woman" came into my life, I thought it was a way I could keep the basic marriage going, at least as a shell or something, and not be so frustrated and unhappy all the time. I didn't "try" to break us up. I thought at some time it might get.
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